Humor Is a Skill, Not a Hindrance

I once gave someone feedback that seemed to catch her off guard. I told her she should embrace her humor more at work.

She was funny in a way that was actually useful. Not forced. Not performative. Not the kind of person trying to turn every meeting into open mic night. She had a way of easing tension in a room, bringing people together, and making complicated points easier to understand. Her humor did not take away from her expertise. It helped reveal it.

That matters, because a lot of people are told to sand off the parts of themselves that make them interesting. Be more serious. Be more professional. Tone it down. Don’t be too much. Fit the room. Make everyone comfortable by becoming a slightly duller version of yourself.

That advice is not always wrong. There are times when people need to read the room. There are times when humor becomes a shield, a distraction, or a way to avoid saying the real thing. Nobody needs the workplace version of an open mic comedian wandering into a team meeting.

But good humor is different. Good humor is generous. It comes from paying attention. It helps people relax enough to tell the truth. It makes ideas easier to remember. It shows that you understand something well enough to play with it a little.

Humor is a skill. Not a hindrance.

When I gave her that feedback, she loved it. Not because I said, “You’re funny.” That is nice, but it is not the whole point. I think it meant something because she had spent a lot of her career hearing the opposite. She had been told to curb her personality. To be less herself. To treat humor like something that needed to be managed instead of something that could be used.

I keep thinking about that, because I think this happens all the time. Someone is direct, so they are told to soften. Someone is enthusiastic, so they are told to calm down. Someone is analytical, so they are told not to overthink. Someone is funny, so they are told to be serious.

Sometimes that feedback is useful. Sometimes it helps a person grow. But sometimes it is just a polite way of saying, “Please become easier for us to categorize.” This scenario really pisses me off. We have to be at work for at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. That's a long time to not be yourself. If we have to be there, at least let's make it enjoyable.

The problem is that the thing people are told to tone down is often the thing that makes them effective.

In a work setting, humor can do real work. It can ease tension. It can make a message stick.

Humor is also a sign of understanding. To make something funny, you usually have to understand the truth underneath it. You have to see the pattern. You have to notice the gap between what people say and what is actually happening. You have to connect ideas quickly. That is not unserious. That is thinking.

Some of the smartest people I have worked with were funny because they could see the room clearly. They could name what was happening without turning everything into a Very Important Business Moment. They could make people listen because they did not sound like they were reading from a laminated leadership card.

Of course, humor is not a free pass. It still has to be kind. It still has to be pointed in the right direction. It should not make people feel small. It should not derail the work. It should not become the only tool in the box. But when it is used well, humor is not the opposite of professionalism. It is a form of communication.

That is why I keep coming back to that conversation. I did not give her some grand piece of career wisdom. I just named something she already had and told her it was useful.

Sometimes people do not need to be fixed. Sometimes they need someone to notice the thing they have been trained to hide and say, “Actually, that belongs here.”